Artist’s Statement:

A digital illustration in which silhouetted male figures are depicted walking along a wide path. As the path splits in two, all the male figures take the left-hand path except a single figure who is shown walking alone on the right path.

Image 1: It was even when I was in [work] I still felt like that guy because I had ah, it was losing what I had, my concentration, my memory, my organization, all these things that I realized I was, you know, I always felt like one of the best that at what I did but, but as I was changing I, I felt like I was, you know, because of all the skills creatively… But, but everything you need to manage that job I knew I was changing. It’s like you know something going wrong with you before other people see it.

A digital image that shows a human brain below a WIFI signal strength indicator, which is showing a weak signal.

Image 2: I’ve always said a brain is the hard drive and the receiver … and it just made me think of WIFI, like that signal when your computer or your phone doesn’t have that signal how much it hinders everything you want to do. Well that’s kind of what myself and a lot of other guys, this isn’t quite as masculine I get looking at it now that’s why it’s not my final one but that applies. Like in every way you are a man that you have to use your, the brain that powers your body and your mind and your emotions. You’re doing it with a hand or two tied behind your back. It’s just never getting that full signal that you used to receive and transmit.

A digital showing an MRI scan of a human brain. The scan includes five yellow emojis depicting different emotions.

Image 3: With the brain MRIs, the white plaque [is] what we get on our spinal cords and brain … and that, that’s kind of, I replaced those white plaques with the um, the emoticons, emojis because you know being a man is being in control of your emotions. For me, that’s part of what of the masculinity was, and there’s certain areas of our brain that regulate those emotions and um, and that just completely changes. So, for me I found like I wanted to cry, I wanted to throw things, I wanted to punch people… All these things that came out of nowhere that I had never felt.

A digital image containing the words ‘weak orgasms’. The text is black except for the letters M and S at the end of orgasms, which are red.

Image 4: It hits right to the core of masculinity that, as people we are so driven by sex, you know men want to become rich not to buy things but to have a beautiful trusting, honest, caring woman to have sex with or to dominate any women… and when you take away one of the core pillars of being a man, that, that um, thing that we strive for, by 20 percent or 80 percent it changes your desire, your drive, your abilities in a lot of ways. When I would bring it up with my Neurologist and, like he didn’t want to talk about it, he said most other guys didn’t bring it up and, for me it was such a huge psychological impact.

A digital image that shows a white male stick figure lying face first on the ground against a blue backdrop. The words ‘unrelenting chronic fatigue’ are written below the blue backdrop.

Image 5: I had other ideas like heavy arms, um, you know not being to do the work that a man does or I used to be able to do … you know, lifting your arm to change a light bulb for 27 seconds is majorly challenging now. Playing with the wheelchair icon. It isn’t a wheelchair disease for everybody and just that truth of just not being able to push on because the brain isn’t doing what it’s supposed to be doing, and it’s something people can’t see and understand.

A digital image that contains four lines of red text. The first line says MASCULINITY. In the subsequent lines letters are removed until only MS remain. Written in a smaller black font below the red text are the words It. Slowly. Changes. You.

Image 6: This next one is self-explanatory.

A digital image in which two large red letters M and S have been cut in two. The resulting pieces lay on the ground. Written in a smaller black font below the red letters are the words Don’t Let It Break You.

Image 7: For the next one I took the logo of the MS Society where they have the little slit lines that, I guess represent the demyelination of the nerves, the connection not quite being there… I just took this to the full extent of it breaking you and that’s something as a man you never want to do, you never want to admit defeat or breaking… and that’s what can happen going through all the things in the other pictures that, you know, meant to just break you financially, mentally, physically, socially and this is just the message or reinforce like “Don’t let it break you”.

A digital image that depicts a male figure in a spiderman costume sitting in a wheelchair. Below the image are the words I’m not disabled I’m my son’s superhero.

Image 8: So, this one I just took the handicapped icon and put a Spiderman suit on. It says “I’m not disabled, I’m my son’s hero, never give up”. It made me also think of, I use to watch the X-Men cartoon and the professor X he was in a wheelchair himself and he was kind of a leader of all those super power guys. So, you know it’s redefining who you are.

A digital image that depicts the torso of a superman character as he opens his shirt to reveal his superhero costume. On the costume, the S for superman has been replaced by the letters MS. Below the image are the words “MS made me the man I should have always been”.

Image 9: I think the bottom right one is sort of, you know really explains how I feel about this disease and I think the line at the bottom just says “MS made me the man I should have always been”… Honestly, I didn’t really have a lot of the strength and security and confidence um, for the same way but now that I’ve gone through the dark times, these challenges it’s really toughened me up. It’s like when you go to a gym you got to tear those muscles a bit, micro tear them before they, they rebuild bigger …and ah, in going through it, that’s where I end up. It sort of, you know somewhat made of steel now because of it that I would have never been.

Bio:
I used to work in the advertising and communication field. I’m grateful this work gave me the skills to creatively work through the challenges I face now.

RETURN TO GALLERY