A collage of cut printed paper and ink containing three panels. The first panel shows stress, loneliness and heartbreak during childhood. The second panel shows drug use and homelessness, around a figure of a lone wolf. The third panel shows addiction treatment and finding a higher power.

Artist’s Statement:

I broke it into three categories. This is me from five to sixteen years, and for the time being I always had a separation from my family. My mum, my dad, my sister, my brother. I was by myself a long time. I was the oldest, and with that I had stress, daily battles with authorities, parents, relatives, just continuous. Finally at sixteen I quit school, quit work, and what I knew was, I just jumped into drugs. By the time I was sixteen I was like a thirty year old. Living on the streets of Toronto, I learned fast, and hard, you know? And, that’s basically what went on for almost thirty years. From sixteen to forty-four. Wasn’t until I just… had enough, then I started recovery. I found recovery and I found a peace in my life, you know? All I know is, for the first sixteen years, I was told, “don’t talk, don’t trust, don’t feel, be a man”… That’s what I thought what a man was supposed to be. My old man says, “What are you crying for? Ah, everybody’s gotta take a beating.” The beatings are okay. You take the beatings. It’s the… the mind, it’s the mental abuse. That’s really what I’m still dealing with. When I was in a treatment centre, I saw this group called the Masculine Sexuality group and I thought “masculine sexuality, what the fuck are they doing? They want to be touchy, feely, hugs, this and that and whatever?” But you know what, it was nothing at all what I thought it was… It was, “talk about feelings, emotions, and communication”. I spoke every time that I could relate… I made no bones about it… I was identifying. I was relating. Like from a “don’t talk, don’t trust, don’t feel”, you know? I was, I was learning that… I started changing around, to my advantage.


Bio:

For so many years I lived like this and it wasn’t until after I made a decision in 2013 that I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. Now I’m on my next journey of recovery.