A pen and ink drawing that depicts a male figure walking on a tightrope above a pit of flames. On either side of the flames a series of stick figures seem to look up at the man on the tightrope. On the left and right sides of the drawing, there are a series of statements that describe aspects of life with Fibromyalgia. These include: “The medicine is eating into the budget, we need to rein in other stuff” and “Buddy, daddy can’t wrestle with you. It hurts my legs too much. Got to save it for grandpa”.

Artist Statement:

The piece I have sketched might best be entitled “Walking on a Wire”. The text and image are meant to convey various things. First, the image of the tight-rope is meant to signify that all of the dimensions of life, whether it be raising kids, self-care, being a good spouse, being employed, are perilous balancing acts. The slightest wind of adversity might render you disabled, requiring you to fortify your resolve, climb up those rocks and get back on that tight-rope. The flames are not a clever metaphor in this piece. It is hell to experience disabling “flare ups”. These are moments where your “life” is utterly suspended, where light and sound and movement and thought are a goliath, and you’re just waiting it out until you can finally crawl out of the flames, returned to your most resilient condition, that merciful state of mild flu-like symptoms. The text is meant to convey at least two things. First, every experience one has with fibro is mediated through pain, discomfort, malaise. There are no moments that can be experienced unmediated by illness. It’s not that hard to imagine. If you had the flu, every moment would bear the imprint of the illness. Buying groceries with the flu, doing dishes with the flu, enjoying a beautiful sunny day on the beach with the flu. Second, you can’t be honest and pro-social with chronic pain. The “flu” is always present and you constantly have to work to make it invisible. To be a good parent, spouse, friend, co-worker, etc., you have to pretend that things are “pretty good”, while trying to remind yourself “oh god, quit looking down”. In the end, if you can manage to stay on the tight-rope, life is pretty good compared to the alternative.

Bio:

I am a father of two young children and spouse to a caring partner. I have had fibromyalgia since my late 20’s. I was a litigator in Toronto and began to experience profound fatigue and persistent aches and pains. Eventually, my daily flu-like symptoms compelled me to stop practicing law for almost 2 years. I was able to resume practice after learning how to mitigate my symptoms through diet, exercise, psychotherapy and transitioning to CBD-cannabis in lieu of the buffet of cognitively disruptive pharmaceuticals typically on offer. While everyday with fibro feels at best like wading through the haze and discomfort of a mild to moderate flu and, despite the apparent despair of this piece, I’m one of the lucky ones who has a great job (and a tremendously understanding spouse) that affords me a lot of self-care options.

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